These past few years were like a blink to me. Real fast and no impression. To other people I know, it’s not the case. Somehow besides growing old, they also became richer. A few became someone. One thing doesn’t change for certain : I can’t find a single one who has dignity or more, nobility. Thus ultimately I don’t care about them. This would be a trivial thing to say unless I used to be a carer, people matters to me very much. Their lives are like games, dirty and short and pitiful purposeless. So they have new cars, become grandparents, have academic titles or buy a mansion with a farm somewhere. I don’t care. Or maybe saying that it’s not precise. It’s more like they and I are become different type of being. Like bird and fishes. They could corrupt a generation, they could get a social status, they could stay at home watching korean dramas, they could get prettier or more fuckable, or they could die under the water, but that changes nothing about the air I breath. Likewise, I could do nothing to them either. I always wish I could do something, but I’m powerless. There used to be some ways between me and them to have pleasureful interactions, now it’s all gone.
So I am all alone here, with my two sons. They are strange things. Without them I think this time I would be rootless again. I would simply fly somewhere, even less worried than young version of mine. The thought of them angels growing in this barren country in this barren age makes my heart bleed.